Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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