Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
