I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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