Can Purell be used as lube?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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