someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
