I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
