I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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