oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
