Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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