so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
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Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize