All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize