i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.