rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I need a burrito and a hug.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
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i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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