just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
