I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
