Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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