An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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