I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
