I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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