The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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