Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
