Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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