"it" just moved
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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