Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize