I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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