She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
4 words: hood of his car
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
