I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
