she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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