The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize