woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
