I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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