then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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