This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
