he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
