i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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