matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
