Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize