Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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