return my video game
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
