is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
