its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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