My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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