you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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