I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
40s are totally the cure
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
