Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
