he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
