i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize