You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
