3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
