Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
