I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
