I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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