You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
