I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
