I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
