when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
