Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
