the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
