I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
