I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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