the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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