Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
