just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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